Beautifully Chaotic

There are points in all of our lives when we are completely surrounded by chaos, when we feel like we like we are barely holding it all together.
I'm there.

When this happens, it is difficult to think straight, let alone write. I had a professor in graduate school at Ithaca who always use to preach "In order to write clearly, you need to think clearly." I believe that now more than ever. When I do any academic work, whether it is prepping a class, correcting papers, or writing music, I need to be somewhere where I have a lot of space and is free from distractions. Thus, home is NOT the ideal place. Yeah, someplace without five children running around asking me to wrestle every five minutes, or play a game, do a puzzle, play catch, build legos, or sing songs. The problem is, I would MUCH rather be doing that all that stuff with my kids than getting work done.

It has been my experience that chaos induced stress can leads to one of two outcomes:

1) Leaves stressed-induced individual utterly paralyzed, unable to perform a single task for  periods of time.

2) Further motivates stressed-induced individual to get their tail in gear and slowly chip away at the stress, all the while promising themselves never again to overcommit. Yeah, right!


Lately, I  resemble both of these outcomes.

Last Friday, I attended a play called The Laramie Project with my colleague Yisrael from the english department. My wife was a bit jealous that I had a date with someone other than her. Two of our colleagues from the Theater Department were involved in the project—one directed the play, and another played multiple roles in the performance. Needless to say, I am a fantastic date. We went out for dinner, saw a play, and I drove.

My pear salad

Yisrael enjoying some good food, a beer, and an annoying photographer.

Here is a picture of my meal. I call this "Swordfish Therapy."

This is as pretentious as I could possibly look drinking coffee.

Whenever things get stressful, I think about what an amazing life I have: an incredibly supportive wife, an amazing family, and good friends who lift my spirits when I am feeling overwhelmed. My children are also incredibly therapeutic. Sunday morning, Stella came into bed and started talking to me. 

She said "Daddy. Do you know what I like? I like skeletons, princesses, and R2D2."

Ah... I've raised her right!

Interactions like this with my children make me focus on what is truly important in life. 

Training: The training is currently at a minimal "get-it-done" level. This is my off-season, and I am relishing it. I have been trying to get in run and swim workouts, but I have still not been on a bike since Ironman!  Come December, that is ALL going to change. I will be back in the saddle again. I have some very exciting news to announce regarding my training this season. I will have the help of a coach. Look out age-groupers, I am getting serious!  What is the reason for seeking out a coach? Well, with my insanely busy lifestyle, I either will have to give up training for triathlons entirely, or find a way to do something that I love and makes me happy without sacrificing time with my family. When I met with my coach for the first time, I told her that minimizing time away from my family is my number one priority. I want to be done with the bulk of my training before 8:00 a.m. (with the exception of the insanely long weekend ride in preparation for Ironman). I know that she  understands and appreciates my concerns. She is a wife and mother, and serious triathlete. I will write a separate post about my new coach in a future blog. I am very excited to be working with her.

One other thing I hope to do this season is to keep track of all of my workouts. I did not do that last season. I had no idea how many miles I was biking, running, or swimming each week. I could look back at my training plan, but I never followed it to the letter of the law. Keeping track of all my data will prove to everyone what an incredible slacker I can be, and why I am not running a faster HIM.

Okay.... more good news to come. Train Smart!

... and to all my blogger buddies: I look forward to catching up with life and your blogs real soon!

Stress Test

You ever have one of those days, weeks, months, years were you feel incredibly stressed out? I'm there. I just finished a new piece—a piano concertino (for piano and small accompanying group including flute, clarinet, percussion, violin, and cello)—aptly titled Stress Test. I am a strong believer that music should reflect where composers are in their lives, both aesthetically and personally. The last couple of months have been incredibly stressful as I am in the throws of training for ironman, raising children, finishing a piece, and managing not to get fired in the process. Unfortunately, the one thing that has to fall by the wayside when I get buried is my training. I want to spend time with my children, and I have to write. I do not have to train. Sure, if I don't I am definitely not a happy camper. I get incredibly grumpy, stressed, and I am not a lot of fun to be around. Ask my wife. Not to mention, that if I do not put the time in, I can go out there and run Ironman, but Ironman will not be very forgiving. It knows if you have not put the time in. When I get my workouts in, I am a better human being, husband, father, friend, colleague, and composer. Workouts clear the cobwebs. It is my therapy. My saving grace. I am not sure how to cope when I miss a workout—or worse—a few consecutive days because life is kicking my ass. Any suggestions? I feel really guilty (and lethargic) when this happens, and always feel like it is going to take another week to get back on track.

So, my new piece is all about where I am in my life. It is broken into four separate movements:              I) Glossolalia (the act of speaking in tongues,)  II) For My Father, III) Hyperactive Sofa (for my  friend, composer Marc Mellits,) and IV) For My Mother. My parents always comment on how they do not understand contemporary music and ask me repeatedly why am I unable to just write music like Mozart, Beethoven and Puccini. I have had discussions with them about this, but it proves futile, as they really do not understand that those guys are now dead, and had they been alive and writing music now, they would probably be writing experimental music using brake drums and cow moo's. With my parents  getting elderly, I wanted to attempt to bridge the gap between music that they "understand" with my music. I sought out to write a movement for each of them with simple melodic lines,  transparent textures, and a more consonant harmonic language that communicates what I want, and at the same time connects with their sensibilities as music listeners from a different generation and cultural upbringing. That is what I like best about music—its transcendent nature—to connect, and share a unified communal experience. The whole piece is about twenty-two minutes long. Stress Test premiere is in April and I am really excited. An old student of mine, friend and wonderful composer, Nicholas Omiccioli is copying parts for me. Watch for this young composer, he has an incredibly bright future!

Just returned from a forty minute run between classes. Ah.. therapy!

More soon, Train Smart!